Not in vain

Not in vain, the big bang happened.
The universe was born.
The dust settled.
The apes evolved.

Not in vain, something broke.
The pieces kept in.
You met me.
I met you.

Not in vain, I left him.
He clung to me in vain.
I was patient.
I opened the door.

Not in vain, I blocked some people entering.
I saved the space for you.
The sun was bright.
The moon waned to a silver sliver.

Not in vain, I surfed.
The strong wind chased all other surfers to the shore.
I swam around. Lots of corals in the clear water. They were white, beautiful, and sharp.
I felt pain in my gut on the airplane looking out the round long beach distancing from me.

I left.
I let them go.
I sat at the airport terminal, 6 am that morning, with the constant flow of tears watering my frozen being. I couldn’t stop crying for a few months.
Not in vain, I got three names. Sometimes, I forget one or two of them. Sometimes, I miss being called by one of them.

The winter came.
The spring came.
I survived.
The flowers bloomed.

The flowers withered.
The rain came.
Everything was wet.
You smiled at me.

I dropped my shell finding my inside softening.
The chill runs through my spine whenever I think of the room that I was trapped alone puking my last dignity as a human down to the toilet. I realized what I absolutely didn’t want in my future.
Not in vain, I kept moving. I got some muscle for life.
I took “no” into my vocabulary.

Not in vain, I haven’t reached out easy drugs.
I searched, searched, searched… and watched with curiosity.
Winter will come again. I wonder how many.
Spring will come again. I wonder how many.

Blossoms will come again. I’ll just be in awe.
The rain will come again and wet the world, the mountains, the grass, you and me.
I’ll remember one day of spring, one day of summer, one day of autumn, one night under the silent stars, adding up to the infinity.
I’ll close my eyes.

My life, not in vain.

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